so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
