if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
