and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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