Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
