...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
