i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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