C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
