Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize