Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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