He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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