shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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