I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
