Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
