Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
