"it" just moved
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
