The maid of honor just puked.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
