Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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