my being single is dangerous.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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