as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
COCAINE IS GR8
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
