she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She is in my trunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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