he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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