Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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