I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
