Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
