sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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