My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
