He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
