and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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