guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
