Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
