I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
