after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
