I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
