I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
