i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
