Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
