yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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