I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
