Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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