Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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