Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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