I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
