Ketchup is God's man juice
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
