He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
