I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
