So gin and wine won't be happening again
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
