we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
