Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
