This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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