it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
