I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
