tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
