just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
