wanna go halves on a baby?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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